I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
