you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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