and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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