The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
