Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
