Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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