gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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