I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
