Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
