The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to have your abortion
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
