i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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