I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
