so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
