Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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