I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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