Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
