He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
