he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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