I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
