In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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