a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
