Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
