Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
