She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
