so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
