You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
