hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
