So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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