Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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