When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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