The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
