im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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