I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
