Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
