you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
