just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
