my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
