How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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