does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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