Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
