Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
