I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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