onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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