an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
