3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
