I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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