for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
