i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
