I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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