i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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