It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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