HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How's work?
Spinning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
